i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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