Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
