well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
