i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Randomize
