Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
