This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize