He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
