hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
