May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
