im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
