Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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