He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
