Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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