If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
