i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
