Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
