I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
