I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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