I must be too annoying 4 u.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
