youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize