those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
