True but thats because hes a fetus.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
