Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize