I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
