I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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