My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
