he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
there is glitter all over my balls
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
