roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
