Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize