Got a toothbrush?
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize