M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
