I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
