wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
