i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
