Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
