I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
