god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
