while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
