i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
