if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize