I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
