You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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