So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
