I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
