the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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