You work out of a Hotel?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
