My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
