i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize