My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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