Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
