Well douche your snatch and let's go!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
