Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
No subtext here. People are naked.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
