I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
