So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
