I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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