Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
