What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
