Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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