I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
