Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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