why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have aggressive nipples.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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