I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
