Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize