Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
