I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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