Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I don't think brook has ever known best
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
