If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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