I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
