funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize